Pro-Life Conservatives and Spiritual Murder

Over the past few years, I have spent increasingly more free time dangling myself on the Internet as a glow-worm on a hook for conservatives to bite. I do this by simply telling the truth about who I am in conversations, often while social networking.

I say: I was raised by two very religious and marginalized parents who had six children, lost jobs in the 1981-82 recession, and descended into deep, long-term poverty. My father was marginalized because while he was in the Air Force from 1965-69 developed schizophrenia (aka schizo-affective disorder). My mother was sent home early from teaching English in New Guinea through a Lutheran mission, because she attempted suicide. She is diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Neither ever drank or used drugs.

In my Internet comments, I go on to describe that we had to go to foster care due to poverty, and that our house was 32 degrees when the State removed us from our parents. A copy of the child welfare investigation report is not even needed to verify the facts. The Des Moines Register published the story of a "Jobless Pair Fear Kids Will Be Snatched Away" in April 1982. We were not returned to my parents until government housing was arranged, food programs were in place, and the place was heated. I'm grateful the social workers arranged for our basic needs. I'm saddened they never noticed the untreated mental illness my parents each had.

In my online narrative, I go on to appreciate that there were government programs available, because conservative family members would have left us to die (they believe that it is FAMILY, not government that should help, but then they specifically did not step up).

I sometimes even list them all by name, all the programs that contributed to my survival: Aid to Dependent Children, Medicaid, Food Stamps, Upward Bound, School lunch, TRiO, Student loans, Court-ordered family services, Child welfare, Juvenile justice, Mental health, public schooling. I'm grateful that the effects of poverty were partially alleviated by the citizens of this country who fought hard to put these programs in place.

Finally, I mention that even with that help and the generous support of private organizations, there were casualties. My brother's suicide, for example. Given that I feel I barely made it out of deep poverty *with* a lot of support--and with white privilege-- I can scarcely imagine trying it without help. Everyone knows that the truth is most never make it.

Then, after I finish typing up my story, like flies on...oops, that doesn't end well for me...

At that point, my story told, mean conservatives swarm and insult, degrade, make ASSumptions, berate, judge, and attempt to humiliate me. Just a slice of their comments:

1) "Poor people vote Democrat because Democrats allow them to keep being leeches on society by giving them handouts paid for by honest wage earners. Why work when you can sit around on your ass all day and use the government's power of force to STEAL money from other high-achieving taxpayers? And don't give me this ***** about we kicked them off their land either. I feel bad for their ancestors, but that has ***** all to do with the Native Americans of today."

2) "Poor people don't have the right to wear nice clothing and eat out. They should be grateful enough that there's salvation army around the corner where they can pick up perfectly usable clothing. It isn't a rich person's problem or fault that the poor continue to make poor financial decisions. A more wealthier person should not have their wealth "stolen" from them at a higher rate to account for these poor financial decisions."

3) "**** the poor. It's their own fault."

There are so many, many more.

(Note, these comments are publicly still available through the right Google search, but since there are real people saying these things I am not linking to them directly...I am not looking to target any one person).


If I have the stamina, I challenge their statements with questions of my own:

1) Should children be punished for their parents' weaknesses or even sins?
2) Would you have preferred we had been aborted?
3) Would you rather the government restrict my parents' religious beliefs about having so many children?
4) Should my parents be punished for developing serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia?
5) Who was going to help if the government did not?
6) If private organizations were already maxed out trying to help us with minimal needs like lunches at the Salvation Army, how were these charities going to muster the resources for rent, food, utilities?
7) If a 93 yr old man in Bay City, Michigan just died because he lost utilities and he froze since his house fell below 32F or 0C, we could have also easily frozen. Why isn't his life or ours worth any resources or energy in your model of what it means to be pro-life?
8) And my personal favorite statement to make: "Why are you attacking me so viciously when I have played by all the rules, your rules...no teen pregnancy; no drug or alcohol abuse; I got an education; I married a man (as a heterosexual, fitting this demand was not a problem); I have always worked; and I pay all my bills and debts including regressive Social Security and Medicare taxes that benefit wealthy Americans. My credit is good, my criminal record is clean. Why are you being so brutal to me?"

I like to think that someone else on the Internet learns from observing these exchanges that there is no way for me to win. Having once used government services, I cannot work in enough low-paid public service jobs to repay my debt. I cannot follow enough rules. I will be shot down by these folks every time.

The process of being a learning tool for lurkers is very punishing, but I feel obligated to try to stand up to the rhetoric that blames people for things outside their control. Still it hurts, because I hear what I have heard my whole life long:

"I value life, just not yours, so help my Christian heart."

At least by seeking the inevitable verbal violence on my own terms, I sometimes control how much I expose myself to it. In considering what meaning "life" has, I would ask you to consider your spiritual homicide of the people you harshly judge. It is toxic territory to sign up for these public humiliations. And probably worse than anything is the hypocritical mixed message:

"We fight for innocent life. But your life is worthless."

So, that's how it feels. It is not fun to out myself as a childhood welfare leech. Each time I do it, I call on my inner urge to serve humanity. I think of the people who fought to put those programs in place for me. I work to thank them for caring about a stranger. A child they did not even know.